Hey, David Lemieux. Whatcha doing?
…
“What?”
I said “Hello, Dave.”
“Dave’s not here, man.”
Don’t do that. It’s me. TotD. You know me…why are you wandering off?
“Dude, there are birds over here like I’ve never seen. I’m gonna watch the shit out of ’em.”
I am just going to assume you are celebrating Canada’s first day of legalized cannabis?
“Are you cool? Oh, wait. It doesn’t matter any more here. But still: are you cool?”
I’m cool.
“The third helping of the doobtine was a mistake. One toke over the line, sweet Gretzky.”
Doobtine?
“Poutine with weed in it.”
Sure.
“Canada’s getting there, eh? Except for Toronto’s suburbs. And Alberta. And the Chinese own the whole west coast. But Climate Change is gonna be real good for us, so everything balances out.”
Yeah. Dave?
“David.”
Can I tell you something and have you not take it personally even though it sounds real personal?
“Give it a go.”
I hate you so much.
“This is the nationalistic jealousy speaking?”
100%.
“Understandable. Completely understandable. There is literally no metric by which Canada is not doing better than you guys right now.”
Nope.
“And it’s hockey season.”
God is smiling on the Great White North.
“That’s what’s on Rick Moranis’ tombstone.”
Rick Moranis isn’t dead.
“Canadians buy their own tombstones on the eve of their 23rd birthday. We chisel in our epitaph and birthdate, and then throw a beaver at a trusted cousin. He or she will chisel in the death date. All of this information is listed on our driver’s licenses.”
None of that is true.
“The cousin I chose was Jean de Jean de Pain. Should he die before me, the task shall fall to Remy Chevalier. Should she pass on, then Boeuf Bourguignon will carry out the rite.”
Nope.
“They’re from the French-Canadian side of my family.”
I gathered.
“Most of my relatives are Canadian-Canadian, though.”
Sure.
…
“What were we talking about?”
Okay, I need to stop talking to you because of my building rage.
“You know what works for that? Weed. Oh, wait–”
We’re done.
Bless you, though, for staying in FL and improving the number of semi-sane voters. Taking one for the team, as it were…
BTs & Hot Knives in Dougie’s basement.
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/toronto/globe-investigation-the-ford-familys-history-with-drug-dealing/article12153014/
you know Dave is Baked here on Canada’s First Weed Day, ’cause he’s got his Foster Grants on and he saying “Pork Chops ‘n’ Apple Sauce”