Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Episode 4.5

dark star warsBetter ending for Star Wars: Vader, having stabilized his TIE fighter, flies down the Rebel base on Yavin IV, calmly parks out front, takes out his lightsaber, and goes ham on that ancient temple/mission control.

Completely out of patience for anyone’s bullshit and storming through the hangar: WHANG! SCHWAAX! Using the Force to hurl engines at people, and then using the Force to hurl people at engines: having a Sith ol’ time. Murdering Rebels like they were younglings. Attack Darth Vader? You get murdered? Run away? He would also murder you. Hide? Murdered.

Because–and remember, we only have the information from the first film to on, and so do the characters–Vader doesn’t know that Luke is his son, or that Leia is his daughter, or that he’s secretly a terrible actor: all Vader is at this moment is a religious nut with super-powers and a magic sword. Also, anger management issues.

And let’s not forget: Vader lived on the Death Star. It’s where he kept his stuff. If someone blew up your house, you’d be angry.

Darth Vader is seismically furious and winging droids at the speed of sound into crowds of Rebels. Remember the guy on the platform with the space-spear? Well, the space-spear is now in stuck in his face and Vader did not use the Force for that: he climbed up there and did it with his bare robot hands.

Luke and Artoo, Han and Chewie, and what’s left of the Rebel Fleet has been warned not to come back and they take off for Tatooine; Han to pay off Jabba, and Luke to use his new Force abilities to kick that Walrus-looking fucker at the bar’s ass.

Sure, it’s a darker ending, especially the part I didn’t tell you about where Vader corners Princess Leia and does weird power stuff to her for a while, but I think maybe for the next re-release, we should think about it.


  1. ToTD,

    According to Variety the Weir/Parish video series for Amazon is shopping for a writer.

    “The project is about to begin shopping for a writer. Bernie Cahill and ROAR will also serve as exec producers on the project. Stephen Emery will serve as as co-exec producer.

    I for one know it will be you. You will be chosen.

    Will it violate your anonymity to put in a potato salad reference or two ?


  2. Bonnie Lass of Fenario

    December 16, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    Did you just insult James Earl Jones??

    I’m not sure I’m okay with that, but I could be convinced.

  3. nice tee!!!

    p.s. where the h – e – double – hockey – sticks do find these pics???


  4. Yes, the back of the shirt has the lyrics in the SW rolling script stylee. I’ve had one of these for years. Best birthday present evah.

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