Precarious Lee had worn his camo because he was going to war: with gravity, with common sense, with basic mathematics in some cases. Things needed to be piled atop other things. Which things? Those things; these things; some other things. The thing that was important was that they were piled atop one another.
Duct tape, plenty. Wooden chocks to hold up half-ton speaker columns, yup. Random ropes, cables, and wires to dangle freely from the naked scaffolding, you betcha.
Precarious wondered how many teenage tuggers he was going to get.
The first sign that he was not having a good tour was the “No Smoking” sign. How can heavy machinery be operated, Precarious asked, without a Pall Mall dangling from the corner of your mouth? I mean: you don’t wanna see too much when you’re welding.
Then, there was the safety gear you see him wearing: imagine getting a cat into a spacesuit. A real, NASA-built spacesuit that takes three PhD.s ninety minutes to put on. That’s the kind of blind, thrashing rage Precarious Lee went into when someone tried to get a neon vest on him.
(Precarious accepted the hard hat after first “proving” he didn’t need it by running skull-first into the backhoe, which resulted in him, you know, sleeping for a while. He’s human, after all.)
The safety meeting in the morning was now an actual safety meeting, Precarious was distraught to learn. The only safety at the safety meetings that Precarious was used to was the cut-off switch for the nitrous tank to keep it from freezing up.
There was no nitrous tank backstage at Santa Clara and Precarious Lee was beginning to think the world had moved some way he could not grasp.
Sheer brilliance. 11/10 would read again.
Danke, danke.
Of all your characters Precarious Lee might be my favorite. There’s a certain earnest innocence in his haphazard existence, unlike the Little Aleppo shopkeepers, who all seem rather sinister underneath their greasy exteriors.
When the TotD-verse closes shop, it’ll be with the wedding of Precarious Lee and Big-Dicked Sheila.
Something weirdly noble about him, yeah.
As sad as the thought of this universe ever closing shop is, i think we would all love to hear about the those nuptials.
Just not anytime soon, we are looking forward to totftwwtf shows and beyond
What spencer said…