Hey, Mickey. Whatcha doing?
“I’m creating magic by using the building itself as a drum. Or I’m trying to find the bathroom. Maybe both!”
Should you be touching everything right now?
“I don’t have any charges pending.”
Not that. The coronavirus.
“Oh, yuck. Mexican swill. Never touch the stuff. I only drink Kahlúa.”
“Yeah, until you get enough Kahlúa in me.”
Not you. I mean: You drink that shit straight? It’s like fermented Yoo-Hoo.
“Nectar of the gods. Perfect for a hot day.”
I disagree strongly. And getting back to my original point: What are you doing about the coronavirus?
“And I made it clear I thought you were talking about beer. What’s going on with the corona-whatsis?”
Have you really not heard about the global pandemic?
“Billy sent me a text telling me to be careful, but I thought he was talking about the clap.”
The coronavirus is a newly-introduced pathogen that originated in Wuhan, China, and has now spread around the globe at alarming speed. It is highly infectious, and lethal to a troublingly high percentage of old folks and people with underlying conditions.
“Besides you and me, who knows about this?”
Everyone, Mickey. Literally everyone knows about the coronavirus.
“I’ve been so busy.”
CELL PHONE NOISE
“I should take this. It might be about percussion.”
“Howdy. You’re on the Hartline.”
“Which one this?”
“Which Grateful Dead this? The drummer or the other drummer?”
“Oh. I’m the other drummer.”
“Close enough. Kim Jong-Un cure coronavirus. Also learn how do root canal, but that not important. Coronavirus is main thrust of conversation.”
“Man, everyone keeps talking about this corona thing. Or maybe I’m just noticing it more. You ever heard about the 23 conspiracy?”
“Quiet, other drummer. Kim Jong-Un announce discovery to the world at big concert. Dead reunite.”
“I dunno, man. There’s a lot of hurt feelings, plus there’s legal shit.”
“Fifty million dollar each. Cash.”
“It’s a ‘yes’ from me. That kind of offer would elicit a ‘yes’ from me. Any chance we could do it at Levi’s Stadium? Very convenient to my house.”
“We do in Only Korea.”
“You got Kahlúa there?”