Hey, Phil.

“Hey, Ballsack.”

Is that your new name for me?

“It’s not new.”

Okay. Why aren’t you facing the crowd?

“Nothing but uggos out there tonight. All of their features are in the wrong places. Can’t even look at them.”

You have such contempt for your fans.

“C’mon, man. Look at ’em. It’s like all their faces were torn off by chimps, and then reattached poorly.”

I can’t really see them.

“Lucky bastard.”