“Hey, jackass.”
Excuse me?
“You heard me, sissy-britches.”
Billy?
“Nope.”
…
Uncle Sam?
“Damn straight, you malingering fifth columnist.”
Wouldn’t you want a fifth columnist to malinger?
“Shut up, college fuck.”
Okay.
“Where are the shows?”
No more shows. Full defunct.
“No, asstits. The people want to hear about the shows and you’ve given them rabbits. That’s some commie bullshit right there.”
It’s not communistic at all! It’s the definition of capitalism: no one’s paying me, so I’ll do it when it’s time to do it.
“That’s selfish radicalism, then!”
You’re just going to yell at me, aren’t you?
“Yes.”
I am listening to Chicago.
“Chicago.”
Yes.
“That’s not a suspiciously vague way to refer to anything, you sloppy-dicked mongoosefucker.”
…
Okay, fine: the May Box Set from ’77.
“I KNEW IT. Malingering! Malfeasance! A shirker in barracks is like a splinter in a sandwich: it can only come out one way, and it’s gonna hurt.”
Please don’t shit me out of your barracks.
“Far more than one court-martial! Many courts-martial! Two to seven courts-martial! Maybe eight courts-martial!”
You like pluralizing that, don’t you.
“None of your business, homosexual-breath.”
That’s just offensive.
“Write a letter to the pope: he’s a commie, too.”
Leave him out of this.
“I’ll leave you out of this.”
…
Please.
“I didn’t mean that: you’re involved, shitface.”
I hate you, t-shirt Uncle Sam.
“Boo hoo.”
…
“Hey. Can you introduce me to Stuffed Garcia?”
What?
“Sexy little fuck.”
Aw, man.
“FILL ME UP, STUFFED GARCIA.”
It’s getting weird in here.
“Don’t bring any condoms.
That’s it.
Sexual tension in the fanfic world of ToTD… What will happen next?? Stay tuned for next week’s episode of:
THE VERY SEXUAL ADVENTURES OF A PLUSH ROCK STAR JUNKIE AND AN UNCLE SAM SWEATSHIRT: A (SCARLET)>FEIRY FALLOUS FIASCO
Shit I spelled phallus wrong**
She’s getting better than you, man.
#shotsfired
The TotD inanimate object Hall of Fame just got a little bigger.
Multiplying like rabbits.