Is that Charley Pride’s grandson?
“No, it’s–”
Blazing Saddles cosplay?
“This young man is–”
The only bigger schmuck than a white man in a sombrero is a black man in a cowboy hat.
“That’s racist.”
So be it. Let Desus and Mero drag me from here to Yankee Stadium. I don’t care. Black guys look stupid in cowboy hats.
“Not all of them.”
Really? Let me present some evidence. Exhibit A:
I rest my case.
“Yeesh.”
Right? If Obama couldn’t make it work, then nobody could.
“Look how young he was.”
We aged the shit out of that poor man.
“Presidency will do that to you, I guess.”
CELL PHONE NOISE
“Is that Nixon?”
Almost certainly.
“Fucker.”
…
“You’re on with John.”
“Is this what we’re doing? Playing some sort of Cowboys and Indians game? Making believe and so forth?”
“Because Nixon is ready.”
“I don’t know if you should be wearing that, Mister President.”
“Nonsense. The, uh, American aboriginals have never had a better friend in the Oval Office. There are, I’ve noticed, many admirable traits to the Native, the Indian, whatever they’re calling themselves lately. They’re like the negroes in that regard. Can’t settle on a name.”
“Sir, I–”
“Bravery! This is first among many respectable attributes of the Indian peoples. Nobility, stoicism, all that. Their beadwork is second-to-none. Never head of the class at metallurgy, though. Gunsmithing. Should have concentrated more on those fields.”
“Mr. President, could you–”
“In their language, the President is referred to as Big Chief Who Lives Across Many Rivers. Isn’t that marvelous? Very poetic. Of course, most are now fluent in English and simply call the President ‘President.’ They picked up English very quickly, the Indians did. Bebe Rebozo was born in Tampa, and he could barely get through a sentence. No, not the Indians. Quick minds, very decisive.”
“Sir, I just–”
“And take off that goddamned robe, boy. It’s the middle of the day.”
DIAL TONE NOISE EVEN THOUGH PHONES NO LONGER DO THAT
…
“I want to stop talking to him.”
But he’s so much fun to write.
I’d bet money that Desus and Mero would agree with you. They would also add Yakubians to that list so that makes everyone, pretty much (sorry Jess).