Hey, Oteil. Whatcha doing?
“The thing I love best.”
You’re a positive force in this universe, and I love you for it.
“I hear you’ve been doing a little dip into my old stomping grounds.”
Don’t do this.
“That was my 20’s. Your boy O wasn’t always a family man. When I was with the Riot, man, I tore it up.”
Oteil, you were not in Quiet Riot.
“I was. It’s just that I was named Rudy Sarzo at the time.”
And you were white?
“Ever see that David Lynch movie Mulholland Drive? That whole idea of doubles? It was like that.”
But that movie made no sense.
“And yet it’s a classic. Bill Pullman is Balthazar Getty, and I was Rudy Sarzo. I can’t explain this any more clearly.”
You probably couldn’t, no.
“Me and my band moved out to Los Angeles in the spring of ’77. We were called John Dillinger’s Penis. We’d been playing around South Florida but there was nowhere to go from there, so we got in the van and then we were on the coast. It was me and Jim-Jim and Shushy and TK. Our first week in town, the three of them were molested to death by Rodney Bingenheimer.”
“The Bing goes hard. Between him and Kim Fowley, there’s at least two dozen corpses.”
I wouldn’t doubt that.
“Luckily, I met Kevin Dubrow the next day and my life changed. I mean, my life didn’t change that day. Took us a couple years to get a record deal, but they were fun years. Girls would bring us groceries, and we would take dookies on their chests. We were not held responsible for our actions.”
I get that.
“Life got even crazier when I joined up with Ozzy. Oh, man. I don’t like to talk about it. Wow. Are you drinking something?”
I have a Crystal Gayle.
“An Arnold Palmer made with Crystal Lite?”
“Nice. Pour some out for Randy.”
I am not pouring anything out for Randy Rhodes. Stop this. You didn’t know him.
“That man was a brother to me.”
It’s official: you’re as crazy as the rest of ’em. Congratulations.