President Trump has suggested multiple times to senior Homeland Security and national security officials that they explore using nuclear bombs to stop hurricanes from hitting the United States, according to sources who have heard the president’s private remarks and been briefed on a National Security Council memorandum that recorded those comments. – Axios, 8/25/19
Should we nuke hurricanes?
No.
How strong a “no” is that?
Stronger than the winner of “Strongest Man” in a Strongman competition who was only competing to honor his recently dead wife.
That’s very strong.
We understand each other. There should be not only no intentional deployment of nuclear weapons against hurricanes, but we must also endeavor to prevent any accidental meetings. Like Uncle Georgie and the children, nukes and hurricanes must be kept in separate rooms.
But why? It seems like an obvious idea.
“Let’s nuke the hurricanes” seems like an obvious idea to you? Did you go to the same medical school as Dr. Evil? Nuking hurricanes is prima faciea a dumb idea. It’s like infecting animals with diseases and pointing ’em towards the enemy.
…
I am being informed that humanity has attempted that particular gambit on countless occasions.
Yeah, we’re awful. Explain to me why we can’t nuke hurricanes. Debate me in the marketplace of ideas!
See, here’s why that’s stupid: the marketplace isn’t for debating. It’s for selling shit.
Coward!
Oh, fine. You do the heavy lifting: why are we nuking the hurricanes now?
Well, hurricanes are organized weather systems. Maybe a large explosion in just the right place would break up the storm’s cohesion, thereby lessening its destructive power.
You’re absolutely right. It would.
What?
A big enough bomb will kill anything.
Awesome. Let’s nuke some hurricanes.
We don’t have a big enough bomb. You’re vastly overestimating the power of a nuke, and vastly underestimating the power of a hurricane. A Category Five storm generates more energy in a day than humanity can in a year. 200 times more. You could trebuchet the Tsar Bomba at a hurricane and its asshole wouldn’t even twitch. And, you know, the other thing.
The radiation?
Yeah, that. Imagine throwing shit at a fan. Now imagine that the shit makes your skin peel off and your liver shoot out your nose.
I’d rather not imagine that.
No one would, except those longhair boys in the denim jackets sitting in the corner of the cafeteria passing around a copy of Fangoria.
I think they’re in a band.
Yeah, so, like I was saying: literally the dumbest fucking idea in the world. Nuking a hurricane is not something you do, it’s something that a super-villain threatens to do to you.
Just the tiniest bit of thinking revealed how dopey the plan was.
Just the itsy-bitsy, teenie-weeniest bit. Yeah.
Wouldn’t a good “Phil Bomb” be just as effective?
Same medical school as Dr. Nick?