Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

People Will See Him And Cry


Hey, BIlly.

“SKANK! SkankskankskankSKANK!”

What are you doing?

“I sing the body electric. And the boner erected.

Please don’t sing Fame.

“Why not? SKANK! I’m gonna plo-ow forever!”


“Skank, it’ll see me and cry.”


“Remember, remember, remember: SKANK!”

I can’t imagine why the Dead never let you sing.

“Garcia was intimidated by my voice.”

Not true.

“Pipes of an angel, pipe of a drummer. Recorded Nessun Dorma with the Cleveland Philharmonic in ’92.”

No you most certainly did not.

“The reviews called me transcendent, but I don’t do it for the reviews. I do it for the fans. Plus, the Cleveland Phil’s entire flute section is female, and I always wanted to bang an entire section of something.”

None of this happened.

“Those classical musician broads? Hoo boy. They spend their whole lives all by themselves in these little tiny practice rooms, so the second they get their hands on dong? Hog wild.”

Right. But now–

“Hog. Wild.”

–you’re at Sundance.

“I was at Sundance two weeks ago. I’ve already been to Mexico and back.”

You know as well as everyone else that this universe has an impressionistic timeline.

“Whatever. Hate this weather, man. I’m an island boy.”

Utah is cold in the winter.

“Everybody’s wearing big puffy coats! Can’t see a titty. Not one single titty!”

I understand your frustration.

“But I never knew about film festivals, man. There are some seriously insecure women here. Directors of short films. Chicks in their late-30’s with podcasts. Dakota Fanning.”

Stay away from Dakota Fanning.

“Yeah, she’s too young for me. I wouldn’t touch her.”


“I showed it to her.”

Jesus, Billy. Who’s that guy behind you?

“Never seen him before.”


  1. How about Dakota Johnson?

  2. Okay…

    If Fame is acceptable then Flashdance is certainly possible.. I hope so..

    Because that would be a feeling, What a feeling.

  3. They’re dressed suspiciously well. There was a professional involved somewhere.

  4. Luther Von Baconson

    February 10, 2017 at 12:41 pm

    i’d like to see Billy take his Thong off, have it come up through that nice sweater of his, without the aid of his Weiner. Or Mickey. Or Mickey’s Weiner. Well maybe some cock docking (or Weiner Wassailling).

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