Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Random Thoughts I Have While Scrolling Through My Instagram Feed

  • I’m fat.
  • What do gummy bears have to do with thick, lustrous hair?
  • Food, skip.
  • Sunset, skip.
  • You need to love yourself and ALL body types are yabblebabble, skip.
  • Picture with boyfriend, unfollow.
  • Tyler Durden was right.
  • And the Unabomber, too.
  • People don’t like to admit it in public, but the Unabomber made some rock-solid points in that manifesto of his.
  • What the fuck is a MUA?
  • Is it a kissy noise?
  • Put that ukulele down and get back in a bikini, damn you.
  • Who do you think you are, Feist?
  • Tulum is nice this time of year.
  • Hey, Grahame’s on tour.
  • I wonder if he’s married.
  • Nobody’s married on tour, though.
  • Tour is for shmoo.
  • Why else would you go to Baltimore?
  • Get that shmoo, Grahame.
  • No, I didn’t know there was a jetshare app that worked just like Uber; thank you for telling me; my gosh, it looks like you and your attractive friends are having a blast.
  • No, I don’t want to join your private Snapchat.
  • Or your Onlyfans page.
  • Or contribute to your Patreon.
  • I don’t even pay for hardcore pornography anymore, so I’m certainly not ponying up for nudie pics.
  •  Ooh, kitty.
  • Ooh, puppy.
  • Ugh, horse; unfollow.
  • Are you really going out with him?
  • That guy?
  • The deejay/photographer who’s raising start-up money for an app called Bakr, which disrupts bread?
  • Tell him that bread does not need to be disrupted, Instagram Hottie.
  • Bread is doing fine on its own.
  • Hi, Holly Bowling’s Hat.
  • I think you’re on tour, too.
  • Get that shmoo, Holly Bowling’s Hat.
  • You deserve it: Holly’s really sweaty; I can’t imagine what you go through every night.
  • Shmoo it up, buddy.

1 Comment

  1. Murray

    You mean to tell me there’s not one “yay. another droll mashup of Dead iconography with corporate logo/corporate slogan/1980s punk band iconography/ironic reference bigcartel store account post/ad.” or “nice faux-meme about drugs/hating Phish/John Mayer’s LSD intake or lack thereof/Gritty using ‘lot-speak’ and just past its prime legit-meme templates.”??

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