Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Thoughts On A Scene From A Movie

The most common of tropes when writing about Southland Tales is to–as plainly as language allows–recount the particulars of any scene. I will now do so, but I’m gonna use the Bullet Points cuz they’re easier than writing paragraphs.

  • Both The Rock and The Seann are not their actual selves in this clip, but rather their 69-minutes-into-the-future selves.
  • They are also both amnesiacs, or maybe brainwashed.
  • Lovitz is a psycho cop on the take from Neo-Marxists, or possibly double-agents within the Neo-Marxists, or maybe the actual Marxists who are also in charge.
  • Southland Tales is nothin’ but Marxism and maybe all the way down.
  • Hell, Karl is kinda in the flick.
  • There’s a guy who looks just like Marx, and says Marxist shit, and he’s played by Kevin Smith, so that’s what kind of movie this is.
  • “Kevin Smith as Karl Mark” crazy is high-level crazy.
  • But he’s not in this scene, and we’re only discussing this scene.
  • The Rock is there on a ride-along with The Seann, for his new film, which he has just written with a Porn Star played by Buffy the Vampire Slayer; this screenplay foretells the future, or possibly causes the future to occur.
  • He does that thing with his fingers a lot.
  • Whole film.
  • It’s adorable.
  • He also has tattoos of icons from every religion tattooed on his massive torso, and they fight for dominance.
  • Again: it’s that kind of movie.
  • You shouldn’t ask questions like “Why is that happening?”
  • Or “What is happening?”
  • You should just accept Southland Tales and say “This is happening.”
  • Fuck it, y’know what?
  • Here.
  • Go watch it.
  • I’m not kidding.
  • Go watch Southland Tales or we can’t be friends any more.
  • It’s Sony Crackle, which is a thing that exists, and it’s free.
  • High Def, and professional stereo sound, and properly-sized, and streamed at your command to your device of choice.
  • For free.
  • It’s a miracle of a world sometimes.
  • (WARNING: Nothing’s free, slaphead. There are commercials, but not too many; the length of the ad breaks seemed a fair price to pay for the service provided. However, it’s a shitty stream service so they didn’t bother to fade in and out of the commercials like professionals, so you’re engrossed in the picture–and this is one of those movie’s that’s gonna engrossinate you–and then WHAM hard cut into some lady trying to sell you pants. It’ll toss you off the couch the first time it happens.)
  • Seriously, go watch the movie.
  • We’re forming a discussion group in the Comment Section, and there might be a quiz.
  • In fact, there’s no “might” about the matter.
  • This is gonna be on the test, people.
  • Southland Tales is now Required Reading.
  • One more for the back row.

1 Comment

  1. NoThoughtsOnDead

    My craptastic connection speed is insufficient to watch this. My loss, I guess.

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