Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

A Challenge To John Mayer

Dear John,

Hi. How are you? I’m fine. It is very hot here, and there are iguanas everywhere. The animals will not take to befriendment. If you’ve ever met an iguana, you know what I mean!


You’re a coward, Meyers. You’re a toe-dippin’ son of a bitch. You fear the depths, my butt-chinned friend, and instead float atop the waters. It’s a low quality in a man. It’s the reason Steve Aoki doesn’t return your texts. He can smell a dilettante a mile away; everyone knows that about Aoki. You dabble. You’re a nibbler. Dude, you’re Cliff’s notes.

You think wearing Madonna Tee-Shirt makes your bones, Meyers? Not on my watch. Not even on your stupidly-expensive watch. You wanna impress us?

You go Full Bobby, or you got no balls, Meyers. Do it. You wanna. You know you wanna. You’re dying to do it, so do it. Release him. Release all of him. Go Full Bobby.

Only then, can you truly become New Bobby.



  1. Tor Haxson

    Do it you coward,

    This is your chance to go from “Josh” to “John”

    Chloe is on tour hanging out with a film camera, she certainly has access to the Weir family closets.

    Snake shirt is somewhere in that house.

    Certainly she flies home between Dallas and Boulder.

    Talk to her, make it happen.

  2. ChadB

    I thought he would have already. BUT..Nobody wanted to be Bobby, back in those cut off jean shorts days. Anybody cool wore black t shirts even when it was really hot, and wished in their mind they had Garcia’s humor and intellect.
    Girls liked Bobby, dudes dug Jerry, you know this. He knows this. He will become a collage, sort of “Borry, or Jobby or Garweiria maybe.

  3. Chris

    That snake shirt is nowhere near full Bobby:

    • Dave Froth

      That was like a Ronald Regan commercial.

      Or something.

      I need to take a shower.

      Pine Tar soap might help.

    • Meryl Shakedown Streep

      This is, hands down, Bobby’s best shirt. I’ve been looking for one for a while and haven’t found anyone selling them…

  4. Luther Von Baconson

    Just throwing out some ideas here:
    Mayer & The Bobby Blackknife
    & the Rickenbacker 365
    With the Cuban Heels, the St Tropez Tea Shades, the Dashiki
    Or the Garcia Paisley Levi’s
    Signed, a Engaged Enthusiast

    • Paul Hébert

      The Pepto-Bismol pink guitar or GTFO, Josh.

  5. J. Eric Smith

    Need some serial killer glasses too . . .

  6. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    Does this count?

  7. Terry Southard

    Him playing Wolf really put a hair across your ass, didn’t it.

    • Thoughts On The Dead

      I don’t like anyone playing that thing.

  8. Smoke

    Wait! DDS? Are you telling me that there’s a single Jewish dentist who has a place in Florida and is good to his mom?

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