Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Thoughts On The Mandalorian

  • The Mandalorian is a teevee show about Star Wars.
  • The Man, Delorean would have been about cars.
  • But I digress.
  • Disney’s streaming service went online today, after a fashion, and their Big Honkin’ Content is The Mandalorian.
  • Netflix does Hollywood-budget movies, and Apple has that show about Steve Carrell honking Reese Witherspoon’s boobies on the Today show, and HBO had the show with the lady and her dragon.
  • Amazon’s originals all feature actors your dad likes fighting crime, except for that one about the comedienne from the 50’s that your mom likes.
  • Also, Amazon’s streaming service comes free with Amazon Prime, so I bet most people have it by accident.
  • Disney Plus offers The Mandalorian as its BHC, to advertise that all Lucasfilm IP is now available exclusively on its platform.
  • This is in addition to the Marvel Corporate Universe, the Muppets, and both entries in the Apple Dumpling Gang series.
  • The service is aimed youthward, and towards stunted adults.
  • Grown-ups should really subscribe to the Criterion Channel and watch Peter Greenaway films, but those type of flicks make my head hurt.
  • I enjoy watching costumed adventurers punch one another, and also cartoons.
  • Martin Scorsese would be appalled.
  • Werner Herzog would not be, but only because Disney has paid him a great deal of money to appear in The Mandalorian as “Werner Herzog (in space).”
  • There has been much mirth made at this casting, but I say it was inevitable once Forest Whitaker was in Rogue One.
  • Herzog follows Whitaker like summer follows spring.
  • Mark my words: Tom Waits is gonna be in one of these things real soon.
  • Anyway, it’s Lone Wolf and Cub feat. Boba Fett (in space).
  • The first episode does, though, pull a neat trick by making you think it’s gonna be Yojimbo (in space) up until the very last shots.
  • And Boba Fett is not Boba Fett.
  • Boba Fett was from Mandalore, and he wore the ancient magic armor of his people, who were all bounty hunters because whatever a character was in the movies, his whole race was in the Expanded Universe.
  • Remember the Bothans that died stealing the plans to the Death Star?
  • In the EU, the Bothan species was known glalaxy-wide for treachery and subterfuge.
  • Or the Gamorrean guards at Jabba’s palace?
  • The ones that looked like evil Inspector McGruffs?
  • Well, it turns out their entire culture is based around fighting and violence and shit, in the EU at least.
  • And I mention the Expanded Universe of Star Wars because that’s where all of this “Mandalorian” bullshit came from.
  • The first mention of any backstory for Boba Fett was in the comic book.
  • Y’know what else was in the comic book?

  • That’s a fucking rabbit.
  • Look how angry Tobacco the Space Monkey is that he has to team up with a fucking rabbit.
  • And look how sad the caped wolfman is.
  • No one is thrilled with this arrangement, Jaxxon.
  • (The rabbit’s name is Jaxxon, and I knew that without looking it up, and I am both proud and not of that.)
  • The word “Mandalorian” does not appear in the films; hell, Boba Fett didn’t even have a name until the second time he showed up.
  • Stand there and look cool.
  • Boba Fett was a design, not a character.
  • What character there was was that of rank bitchery.
  • First, he needs Darth Vader standing next to him in order to capture our beloved Star Warriors.
  • Which is cheating.
  • I could’ve done that.
  • Then, he is eaten by a carnivorous sand-rectum.
  • Bitch moves, the both of them.
  • It is in Bob’s blood.
  • Jango Fett was also a filthy little bitch.
  • Left his incriminating bullshit out on the table for random Jedis to see.
  • Bitch move.
  • Failed to murder a virtually-undefended woman.
  • The stink of bitch!
  • Gets his head lopped off IMMEDIATELY upon entering a fight?
  • F-E-T-T, that spells “bitch.”
  • But–as I mentioned–he looked cool.
  • He was like Space Fonzie.
  • And the books and comics sold better when he was on the cover, so he garnered elaborate backstories, side quests, and possible futures.
  • But this Mandalorian is not Boba, as he proved in the initial episode by not being completely incompetent.
  • At no point did our anti-hero get eaten by a giant butthole in the desert.
  • Which is not to say that the sarlaac incident was not alluded to.
  • More than 50% of the shots in The Mandalorian are recreations of, or references to, shots from the Original Trilogy.
  • Landspeeder skimming along.
  • Vaguely Arabic architecture.
  • Gonk droid.
  • It’s all connected, man.
  • And yet unlike the clumsy fan service of Rogue One and Solo, I did not hate these callbacks.
  • I didn’t hate any of it, actually.
  • Rogue One made me so angry I adopted a dachshund, let it bond with me, and then abandoned it on the side of the road.
  • One mustn’t let anger fester.
  • But The Mandalorian did not infuriate me, even when it got batshit insane at the end.
  • Spoilers.
  • Oh, God, the guy from Swingers has saved Star Wars.


  1. JES

    1. All you have to do is type the words “Tobacco the Space Monkey” and you will have started my day with a broad and guileless smile of joy, and perhaps an involuntary clap of glee.

    2. I do love Peter Greenaway movies, though.

    3. Not so much Marvel ones.

    4. But still, this . . . .

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    Mr Cool

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