Two Guys And A Tree

“Thoughts on my Ass! Been a while!”

Hey, Billy.

“My buddy’s hat makes him look like a penis.”

You haven’t changed.

“Too late for that, Ass. And I don’t wanna change. I’m fun.”

No New Year’s Resolutions, then?

“Nah, I make a ton of them. This year, I resolved to get paid even more for doing even less.”

How could you possibly do less?

“You know how I’ve been phoning it in?”

Yeah.

“I just got a new app and I think I can literally phone it in this summer. It’s like FaceTime, but for drumming. I can do the whole tour from my backyard.”

Go to the gigs, Billy.

“It’s a hassle. We should do ’em all like this New Year’s bullshit. I got a 20-minute commute! Make all the Deadheads come here.”

You can’t set up a Dead & Company residency on the Big Island of Hawaii.

“Why not?”

Because tickets would be around a thousand bucks apiece once you throw in the flight and hotel.

…

“And what’s the problem?”

It’s a lot of money!

“I’m worth it!”

Billy, we’re heading into a recession and D&C is juuuuuuust about selling out the venues it plays now at a tenth the sticker price.

“Fake news.”

Just stay on the horse, man. Don’t rock the boat. Any other resolutions?

“I’m gonna write a spec horror screenplay about a world invaded by demonic smells and every time you leave the house you have to plug up your nose.”

Very timely. What’s it called?

“Stinky Terror.”

Sold.