Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

What Other Programs That Feed The Elderly Have Been Cut From The Budget Besides Meals On Wheels?

  • Snacks in Backpacks.
  • BLT’s on ATV’s.
  • Peking Duck by Leaking Truck.
  • Subway on the Subway.
  • Feasts on Beasts. (Pizzas strapped to bears; bears set loose in old age homes.)
  • Delicatessen from a Pedestrian.
  • Scones from Drones.
  • Fags in Bags. (This is a British program that brings cigarettes to the housebound; I don’t know why we’re paying for it, and I salute Allfather Trump for cutting it.)
  • Egg Béarnaise on Segways.
  • Lamb Blintzes in Ambulances.
  • Gyros from Gyros. (Old-timey helicopters throw Greek food at old people from 500 feet up.)
  • Hotpot by Slingshot.


  1. Tuesday Jackson

    March 16, 2017 at 10:26 pm

    Moroccan Dates on Roller-skates.

  2. They are encouraging Faith Based Organizations to step up and replace these wasteful programs with local initiatives like . . .

    Cat Food From A Jesus Dude
    Sustacal If You’re YHWH’s Pal
    Liv-A-Snaps For Compliant Chaps

    • Luther Von Baconson

      March 17, 2017 at 2:09 pm

      Nilla wafers from Fundamentalists wearing polyester thigh chafers
      Ensure in a Snake Dancing Coven, sir

  3. Allthebeerscombine

    March 17, 2017 at 11:45 am

    Also, summer tour 2017 cuts to feeding Shakedown patrons:

    Heady grilled cheese on wooks w/fleas
    Burritos on mosquitos
    Shrooms on flumes
    Blotter sheets on parakeets

  4. Russian urine via promiscuous Honduran. (“wait, let’s keep that one”)
    Foot long frank from a Russian tank. (“keep it. order more”)
    Trump Wine through the Dakota Pipeline (“best wine. best pipe. keep it”)
    Halal bean dip from a transatlantic ship (“that’s so cut it’s going to take the rest of the Muslim and Mexican food along with it”)

  5. Luther Von Baconson

    March 17, 2017 at 4:00 pm

    Demi-Glaces from Eaters of Faces

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