Now, Enthusiasts, you know how much TotD loves Spider-Face. He leaps about gaily and quips for justice; he roots for the Mets. I loved Spider-Man: Homecoming, and anxiously await the new big-screen installment of everyone’s favorite wall-slinger’s adventures.

But just look at this bullshit:

Did you see it, Enthusiasts? Did you see the bullshit? (And I’m not talking about how Kevin Smith now has that deflated look unique to those who have lost hundreds of pounds.) Didja see it?

14 minutes. 14 minutes of bearded yammer about a commercial. (The studios want you to call ’em trailers, but they’re just commercials.) 14 minutes, cats and kittens. This is what happens when you stop beating up nerds. The fuckers get ideas above their stations.

Exterminate them! Exterminate the doofs!

 

*Because he spides. You never seen a fucker spide like Peter Parker. He was born to do it, man.