Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Bobbing Away

Hey, Bobby. Whatcha doing?

“Bicycling.”

Sure.

“Some folks like uni. And, uh, others prefer tri. But I like my cycling bi.”

What about bicycling do you like best?

“The shorts.”

I should have guessed.

“They’re made of a material called spandex. Space-age stuff. And, uh, they’re form-fitting. Whatever form you have, they’ll fit it. They’re a clingy short.”

A little weird you never wore those onstage.

“There was a meeting.”

Ah.

“And, you know, we don’t have a lot of those. But apparently everyone thought it was an all-hands-on-deck situation. Got a little contentious, too.”

Well, no one likes being told what to wear.

“Oh, it had nothing to do with that. Billy started biting people.”

He does that.

“How’s the Murder Heist going?”

I thought you would know?

“I’ve stepped back from an active position in that endeavor.”

You’re taking a Murder Heist Sabbatical? You can do that?

“You can do anything you want until someone stops you.”

True.

CELL PHONE NOISE

“I gotta take this. It might be my Schwinn guy.”

You got a Schwinn guy?

“Big time.”

Huffy?

“Won’t return my calls.”

Dicks.

“Hang on.”

“Weir here.”

“HAIRY GARCIA! WE BEEN TRYIN’ T’ CALL YOU F’R DAYS!”

“We?”

“ME AN’ THE BANANA MAN. AH MAY HAVE ERRED IN ALLOWIN’ HIM T’ DO TH’ DIALIN’!”

“Probably beyond his capabilities, King.”

“NOTHIN’ IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH JESUS AN’ KARATE.”

“All right.”

“HAIRY GARCIA, TH’ MURDER HEIST DONE BEGUN RAMIFICATIONING ALL OVER TH’ PLACE.”

“The thing that always happens where reality spaghettifies and dinosaurs start eating people?”

“YEAH, TH’ USUAL PETERIN’-OUT!”

“The premise on this one was shaky as hell.”

“TH’ BOY’S GOT COLE SLAW F’R BRAINS, AN’ HE THOUGHT ‘MURDER HEIST’ WUZ A FUNNY PHRASE, AN’ THEN HE DIDN’T DO NO MORE THINKIN’.”

“The folks who read this site expect more.”

“LETDOWN AFTER LETDOWN, MAN.”

“HOW’S TH’ FAMILY?”

“Depends on what year this is.”

“UH-HUH.”

2 Comments

  1. FormerlyNoThoughts

    ““TH’ BOY’S GOT COLE SLAW F’R BRAINS, AN’ HE THOUGHT ‘MURDER HEIST’ WUZ A FUNNY PHRASE, AN’ THEN HE DIDN’T DO NO MORE THINKIN’.””
    Let’s remember the circumstances, and the bon mots that were generated by that slip-of-an-idea. I won’t support any recriminations!

  2. MJK

    Spandex, Madonna t-shirt, and pink guitar was Bobby’s stage attire back in the day. After band meeting mentioned above, Bobby had to lose 1 of the 3. And the spandex were only seen again when Bobby was on his bike. Interesting side note: unsurprisingly Lesh was leading the charge in the effort to restrict Bobby and his fashion longings. Let us all remember now Phil’s bold fashion statement of this era consisting of shirt tucked into sweatpants, elastic at the ankles, but I digress.

Leave a Reply