“Thoughts on my Ass!”
Hey, Billy. Happy birthday, buddy.
“69.”
You’re 72.
“No, I was talking about what I wanted as a gift.”
Uh-huh.
“The 69 is the most socialist of all the sex moves.”
Sure. What’s the most capitalist sex move?
“Going in dry, then stealing her wallet while she’s crying in the bathroom.”
That does sound like capitalism.
“And then telling her it’s her fault for not working hard enough.”
You’re like the Thomas Piketty of skank, Billy.
“Oh, yeah. I got all sorts of theories.”
What are you doing on the beach?
“Trying to summon a mermaid.”
You wanna fuck a mermaid?
“Shit, no. They ain’t got the right parts for that. I mean, some of ’em are real chubby and you can stick it in their back fat, but it’s more effort than it’s worth. I was planning on eating ’em.”
Why would you want to eat a mermaid?
“Because I’m not a pussy like Tom Hanks.”
What?
“Falling in love with sea-mutants and whatnot. No wonder he died in World War Two.”
May I go?
“You didn’t have to show up in the first place.”
That is how Bill stays in shape while on tour. Try it yourself!
Bobby doing a Bruce Dern impression