Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

People Who Would Be Doing A Better Job As President Than Basketball Head

  • Joe Exotic.
  • Any of Joe Exotic’s husbands, including the one who’s dead.
  • That prince who likes fucking teenagers.
  • Billy and/or Mickey.
  • Mariska Hargitay. (I would kill for Mariska Hargitay to be in charge right now. That woman takes no shit, she’s got the work ethic of a dozen Amish, and she’s not afraid to straight-up sock a disrespectful motherfucker in the nose. Plus, Stabler would stand behind her at all the press conferences, glowering at journalists.)
  • Random hobo.
  • The coronavirus itself.
  • Zok.
  • Tundro.
  • Gleep.
  • Gloop.
  • Let’s just say that I would rather have any of the cast of The Herculoids than the homunculus we have now.
  • Ringo Starr’s Australian counterpart, Dingo Starr.
  • Any of the New York Times‘ op-ed writers, even the dumbfucks.
  • That girl from middle school who fucked a snorkel and then the story about her fucking a snorkel got out and she had to switch schools.
  • Day-old bread baked in the shape of Charles de Gualle.
  • Grace O’Malley, the Irish Pirate Queen.
  • Ching Shih, the Chinese Pirate Queen.
  • Literally any Pirate Queen.
  • Semi-intelligent dog with a racist name and a habit of biting old ladies.
  • Deck of cards missing all the 7’s.
  • The captain of the Costa Concordia.
  • Sarlaac.
  • The smell in a hockey team’s locker room.
  • You.
  • Me.
  • Pretty much fucking anybody other than this slophound.


  1. dawn

    exactly — especially the captain of the costa concordia!

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