Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Possible Replacements For Sarah Huckabee Sanders

  • Forest Whitaker and his Sloppy Eyeball.
  • Guy from Staten Island eating a chicken parm sandwich who keeps repeating, “Hey, I tol’ you what happened. You don’ wanna believe it? That’s yer fuckin’ problem.”
  • One of Jordan Peterson’s lobsters.
  • Fuck, let Barron do it.
  • Lindsay Lohan, three hours late and missing a shoe.
  • A sentient full English breakfast complete with incredibly racist beans.
  • Gerry Cooney, if he’s still alive.
  • Gerry Cooney’s corpse, if he’s not.
  • Mike Huckabee’s other ugly daughter, Farah Huckabee Sanders, whose nostrils are misaligned.
  • An angry dwarf with dildos glued all over him.
  • Sign hand-written by one of the Koch Brothers reading “Go fuck yourself.”
  • Joe Rogan. (“Politics bores me. Haberman, you ever try DMT?”)
  • Pile of used porn a teenager found in the woods.
  • Whoever Putin says should get the job.
  • Someone beloved who’s recently had a stroke, so they’re lying and slurring and it’s all so terribly sad.
  • Topiary trimmed and dyed to resemble a blue waffle. (Look it up. Look it up at work, or in front of your children.)
  • The one dark-blue cube in the ice tray.
  • Shuckey Duckey. (Quack quack.)

4 Comments

  1. brent did nothing wrong

    My money is on Fuckabee

  2. rico vanian

    Joe Rogan would be awesome.

  3. wrayven

    Mick Mulvaney would be up for the job as acting Press Secretary. Goebbels wannabe Stephen Miller is also a possibility. I think Omarosa will make a massive comeback…oh why not just bring back Scaramucci. This is just a reality TV show, so it needs a villain. Omarosa seems like the best choice. She is obviously a glutton for punishment plus she likes to dish it out. It will probably be the awful Mercedes Schlapp.

  4. Dave Froth

    A hologram of William S. Burroughs.

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