Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Possible Replacements For Sarah Huckabee Sanders

  • Forest Whitaker and his Sloppy Eyeball.
  • Guy from Staten Island eating a chicken parm sandwich who keeps repeating, “Hey, I tol’ you what happened. You don’ wanna believe it? That’s yer fuckin’ problem.”
  • One of Jordan Peterson’s lobsters.
  • Fuck, let Barron do it.
  • Lindsay Lohan, three hours late and missing a shoe.
  • A sentient full English breakfast complete with incredibly racist beans.
  • Gerry Cooney, if he’s still alive.
  • Gerry Cooney’s corpse, if he’s not.
  • Mike Huckabee’s other ugly daughter, Farah Huckabee Sanders, whose nostrils are misaligned.
  • An angry dwarf with dildos glued all over him.
  • Sign hand-written by one of the Koch Brothers reading “Go fuck yourself.”
  • Joe Rogan. (“Politics bores me. Haberman, you ever try DMT?”)
  • Pile of used porn a teenager found in the woods.
  • Whoever Putin says should get the job.
  • Someone beloved who’s recently had a stroke, so they’re lying and slurring and it’s all so terribly sad.
  • Topiary trimmed and dyed to resemble a blue waffle. (Look it up. Look it up at work, or in front of your children.)
  • The one dark-blue cube in the ice tray.
  • Shuckey Duckey. (Quack quack.)


  1. brent did nothing wrong

    June 13, 2019 at 9:49 pm

    My money is on Fuckabee

  2. Joe Rogan would be awesome.

  3. Mick Mulvaney would be up for the job as acting Press Secretary. Goebbels wannabe Stephen Miller is also a possibility. I think Omarosa will make a massive comeback…oh why not just bring back Scaramucci. This is just a reality TV show, so it needs a villain. Omarosa seems like the best choice. She is obviously a glutton for punishment plus she likes to dish it out. It will probably be the awful Mercedes Schlapp.

  4. A hologram of William S. Burroughs.

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