- Forest Whitaker and his Sloppy Eyeball.
- Guy from Staten Island eating a chicken parm sandwich who keeps repeating, “Hey, I tol’ you what happened. You don’ wanna believe it? That’s yer fuckin’ problem.”
- One of Jordan Peterson’s lobsters.
- Fuck, let Barron do it.
- Lindsay Lohan, three hours late and missing a shoe.
- A sentient full English breakfast complete with incredibly racist beans.
- Gerry Cooney, if he’s still alive.
- Gerry Cooney’s corpse, if he’s not.
- Mike Huckabee’s other ugly daughter, Farah Huckabee Sanders, whose nostrils are misaligned.
- An angry dwarf with dildos glued all over him.
- Sign hand-written by one of the Koch Brothers reading “Go fuck yourself.”
- Joe Rogan. (“Politics bores me. Haberman, you ever try DMT?”)
- Pile of used porn a teenager found in the woods.
- Whoever Putin says should get the job.
- Someone beloved who’s recently had a stroke, so they’re lying and slurring and it’s all so terribly sad.
- Topiary trimmed and dyed to resemble a blue waffle. (Look it up. Look it up at work, or in front of your children.)
- The one dark-blue cube in the ice tray.
- Shuckey Duckey. (Quack quack.)
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My money is on Fuckabee
Joe Rogan would be awesome.
Mick Mulvaney would be up for the job as acting Press Secretary. Goebbels wannabe Stephen Miller is also a possibility. I think Omarosa will make a massive comeback…oh why not just bring back Scaramucci. This is just a reality TV show, so it needs a villain. Omarosa seems like the best choice. She is obviously a glutton for punishment plus she likes to dish it out. It will probably be the awful Mercedes Schlapp.
A hologram of William S. Burroughs.