- I blame the great Jesse Jarnow for this.
- And the shmedibles.
- Let’s not overlook their part in all of this
- Hey, Uncle Bobo!
- He, like the rest of San Francisco, hated The Doors.
- He went out of his way in his book to talk about what an unprofessional dick Jim Morrison was.
- Val Kilmer has removed his shirt.
- Credits aren’t even over.
- He’s walking around Venice, and it’s deeply sixtified, and he’s rather hairy, and now he’s stalking Meg Ryan.
- Val Kilmer climbs a tree to meet Meg Ryan in the movie, but I think he broke into her apartment in real life.
- However much of an unprofessional dick you think Jim Morrison was, you’re undershooting it.
- Imagine the worst colleague you’ve ever had, and then imagine him also whipping it out and pissing whenever he wanted.
- Jim used to do that a lot.
- Had to piss?
- He pissed.
- Oh, wait, I was wrong.
- He does break into Meg Ryan’s apartment.
- She’s pretty cool with it.
- You gotta look like Val Kilmer to get away with that kind of shit.
- Paul Giamatti tries that, the cops get called.
- No offense to Paul Giamatti.
- The man’s like salt: he makes everything better.
- But it’s so much easier to be exceptionally handsome.
- Both Val Kilmer and Jim Morrison were, for a time, so handsome that the world allowed them to behave however they chose.
- Both chose to be assholes.
- Okay, hold on.
- I’m gonna grill me my last cheese.
- …
- Damn, that cheese was well-grilled.
- Good on me.
- Lotta folks wanna go upmarket with their cheese choice.
- Artisanal bread.
- Those folks’ll hang from the lampposts when the Revolution comes, I’ll see to it myself.
- Wonder Bread-like product, two slices.
- Kraft Akin-To-Cheese Consumables, two slices
- Whatever butter was on sale, a shitload.
- Low heat.
- For best results, make two sandwiches so that one can be cut vertically and the other diagonally; anyone who cuts their grilled cheese horizontally is a fucking cop.
- What was I doing?
- The bit where you watch the movie and spew nonsense for too many words.
- The Enthusiasts love that bit.
- They actively protest against it.
- Fuck ’em.
- Sure.
- Now they have The Doors.
- One of whom is Johnny Drama.
- Vince could’ve played Jim Morrison.
- Or at least spent an entire season making up his mind about playing Jim Morrison.
- Entourage didn’t have a lot of arrows in its quiver.
- Remember how Green Arrow had a boomerang arrow, and a net arrow, and a boxing glove arrow?
- Entourage just had the “Vince maybe doesn’t do a movie, but then he does the movie” arrow.
- An evil industry sharpie!
- Look how mean this dude is!
- Oliver Stone’s Val Kilmer’s The Doors is not a subtle movie.
- These are not subtle wigs.
- These are major motion picture wigs, man.
- The Doors and their wigs are now on peyote in the desert and there is an unbelievable amount of actoring going on.
- They’re improvising in character as hard as they can.
- Until Jim walks into the desert like Jesus.
- Oliver Stone is leaning hard into the Morrison-as-Christ angle.
- Which is not right.
- Jesus was a pro.
- Showed up on time, and sober.
- An entire bookshelf can be assembled from Rock Books from various managers, press folk, and musicians containing at least one chapter about “babysitting Jim.”
- Can’t compare ’em, except aesthetically
- See, in 1967, a guy named Joel Brodsky took a photo of young Jim Morrison which can only be described as “Jesus who fucks.”
- And so visually-oriented learners have been getting Jim and Jesus confused since then.
- Oh, wow, look at all these extras.
- Or is this stock footage?
- Did they stage a hippie fest?
- The budget for this was almost $80 million, so maybe they staged a hippie fest.
- Hey, it’s Will Jordan as Ed Sullivan!
- Younger Enthusiasts, comedians used to get famous based on one impression: Ed Sullivan.
- Only blind communists didn’t watch Ed Sullivan.
- Ed was a grotesque, lurching creature who spoke like he’d been taught English via beating; he hosted a variety show for decades that all the big stars went on.
- The Beatles did Ed Sullivan, and so did The Stones.
- The Doors rebelled, man.
- Ed Sullivan can’t censor my words.
- …
- Maaaaaaaaaan.
- We are now in the Second Act.
- I can tell a Second Act when I see one.
- Cameras all wobbly, and the mood’s all dark, and Val Kilmer keeps throwing back drinks.
- That’s Second Act behavior.
- Why the fuck is Heroin playing?
- No one is doing Heroin.
- Val Kilmer is in a bar, and there is a ghost shaman.
- But Heroin from the Velvet Underground is playing.
- Who–by the way–fucking HATED The Doors and enjoyed mentioning the fact to journalists.
- Crispin Glover’s wig is now pretending to be Andy Warhol and HOLY SHIT NICO OUT OF NOWHERE.
- I am assuming that the tall, belligerent blonde with the German accent who immediately started tongue-kissing Val Kilmer is Nico.
- OH NO!
- Meg Ryan caught Val Kilmer getting a beej from Nico!
- And–and I swear to you that I am telling the truth–there still has not been any use of heroin since the musical cue of Heroin.
- What the fuck, man?
- Heroin is literally the only tune on the soundtrack not by The Doors.
- That’s a big choice.
- Sure, Nico’s on it, but she did other numbers that weren’t quite so much about only one thing.
- You could interpret All Tomorrow’s Parties a bunch of ways, but Heroin is about heroin.
- The heroin is not metaphorical.
- Or incidental.
- The whole chorus is a guy saying “heroin” real slow.
- BUT THERE WAS NO FUCKING HEROIN.
- …
- I’m sorry I yelled.
- Jesus, I wasted twenty minutes on that.
- Val Kilmer and Meg Ryan are now beating each other up in a hotel room.
- It’s not his fault.
- He’s an artist.
- And, sometimes, artists need to beat up Meg Ryan in a hotel room.
- As part of their process.
- Hey, Uncle Bobo!
- The show is overdue, but Val Kilmer is being betrayed by an evil woman.
- She is perfidious and cruel.
- Because of this, Val Kilmer gets maced by a cop.
- Good God, imagine getting maced by a cop on some strong acid.
- Like, strong acid.
- I would just check myself into the mental hospital right after that, and stay there until I died.
- Just sit quietly and try not to scream.
- I know the name of Ray Manzarek.
- It is not Matthew Modine.
- 60-70% of my brain thinks that Matthew Modine is playing Ray Manzarek, but that’s the uneducated sectors.
- It’s Dermot Mulroney.
- Harvey Clams.
- …
- I’m not looking it up.
- I’m gonna sit here and remember this motherfucker’s name.
- He was in Dune.
- And Twin Peaks.
- Not Griffin Dunne.
- FUCK.
- Jeffrey Dean Anderson.
- Gary Ice Cream.
- …
- JESUS CHRIST, WHY CAN’T I DO THIS?
- NOT Matthew Modine.
- NOT Matthew Modine.
- …
- KYLE MACLACHLAN
- I got you, you bastard!
- Oh, Meg Ryan, you can do better than Val Kilmer.
- Get yourself a Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan.
- Tom Hanks will not break your heart, Meg Ryan.
- Or piss all over the bar.
- How about a Jake Gyllenhall, Meg Ryan?
- You might find out one day that Jake Gyllenhall is secretly a serial killer, or maybe an interdimensional spider-king, but he won’t cheat on you or embarrass you at parties.
- Oh, wait, there’s a band.
- Remember The Doors?
- The movie’s called The Doors.
- Remember how Heroin was about heroin?
- The Doors is not about The Doors.
- Like, they just showed up for the first time in a half-hour so they could get mad at Val Kilmer.
- “You’re selfish, man.”
- And now back to The Val Kilmer Show.
- HEROIN!
- MEG RYAN’S DOING HEROIN!
- FUCKING FINALLY!
- Last scene, Val Kilmer handed Meg Ryan a knife and demanded “Gimme some death” and now he has locked her in a closet and set the door on fire.
- Such a drama queen.
- Plus he’s hanging out with Michael Madsen.
- Nothing good can come from that.
- Film has a language of its own, and in that language “being bros with Madsen” means you’re not getting a happy ending.
- Jesus, more Navajo.
- There’s nothing more spiritual to a White Boomer Dude than a Navajo.
- And Oliver Stone was the Lizard King of the WBD’s.
- I wish Jim Morrison had lived.
- He would’ve been the Rock version of Brando.
- Setting studios on fire and tackling stewardesses.
- But Jim Morrison did not live.
- He went to Paris and grew a beard and died.
- Val Kilmer has just learned that other Doors have sold Light My Fire to Buick.
- He is enraged.
- Younger Enthusiasts, there used to be this concept called “selling out;” you see, an artist would…ah, forget it.
- Suffice it to say that Val Kilmer is pure and clean in a very dirty world
- “Jim Morrison was a bit of a warrior-poet,” Val certainly said during press appearances advertising this film.
- Peace Frog fucks.
- I’ll give Peace Frog its due.
- Listen to this shit fuck:
- Did you hear that shit?
- It fucked.
- Oh, Johnny Drama just yelled “We took drugs to expand our minds, not to escape!” at Val Kilmer.
- And Val Kilmer said, “Are you playing the drummer or the guitarist? I know Matthew Modine is the piano player.”
- There is now a neard on Val Kilmer’s face.
- It’s not a beard.
- But it’s close.
- It’s a neard.
- You can still see the price tag.
- It’s right by his ear.
- Few bands had a less dignified afterlife than The Doors: decades of ghouling out Jim, interspersed with the occasional (doomed) attempt to find a new singer.
- Iggy Pop was gonna do it, but then he pulled some Iggy Pop bullshit.
- Ian Astbury from The Cult had the gig for a few years; they played the sheds in the summers.
- But it’s mostly a lot of interviews where Ray talks about how brilliant Jim was.
- Ray put his kids through college on those stories.
- Anyway, Val Kilmer’s starting a riot in Miami.
- You know the scene.
- Got busted for public indecency for (allegedly) whipping it out.
- Because he was a vulgar buffoon, and had nothing to say, he whipped it out.
- (Allegedly.)
- Oh, for fuck’s sake, it’s William Kunstler.
- As if Jim Morrison’s cock was a Civil Rights matter.
- Now he’s making a witch get an abortion.
- Which seems like a tactical error.
- You shouldn’t insult a witch like that.
- You may as well slap a gypsy woman.
- Why is MLK in The Doors?
- He did not say in his famous “I have a Dream” speech I dream that one day, if a Rock Star is sufficiently fuckable, he be allowed to do whatever the fuck he wants at any time.
- I doubt The Reverend Doctor Martin Luther the King owned any Doors albums at all.
- If he did, it would have been Waiting For The Sun.
- We can agree on that, at least.
- In these trying times of political polarization, all people of good faith can come together and agree that MLK would have dug Waiting.
- I can’t describe what Val Kilmer is now wearing on his head.
- I know that a writer’s job is to describe shit.
- But I can’t.
- Words fail me, and I have failed you.
- Imagine an angry dog ripped apart a carnival-grade teddy bear, and then that was glued to a Movie Star’s face and skull.
- Hey, Magical Navajo Chief again!
- He shows up now and then.
- Doesn’t do anything.
- Val Kilmer see him, and the interaction is meaningful.
- Is he dead?
- Oh, thank God.
- Probably pooped that tub he died in.
- Cheerful way to end this.
- Corona delenda est.
The grilled cheese interlude.
Yes. That. I always say that a grilled cheese can only be made with a cheese food product that can be purchased at a gas station. Nothing else will do.
Also, I do trust that TotD used his spatula to squish the sandwich flat and blackened while drilling. That’s a gotta do too. The art of the G.C. is in getting it as flat as possible without the cheese oozing out and/or the blackening become TOO blackened . . .
drilling = grilling.
Also, VERY important to never have a grease group/water group violation . . .
https://jericsmith.com/2009/11/07/the-grease-group/
Wampum wampum wampum, zappy-doo
Wampum wampum wampum, zappy-doo
Zap dootin peepul like to go down slowwwww
Kudos to Michael A Nickles. Saw his Mojo Risin’ channel surfing The Hollywood Suite last night
Crap band crap movie. Ray produced X of course so there’s that and their cover of soul kitchen.
One of my favorite living in la stories was from a friend who bought a used tv in the early days of craigslis . Seller was all “hi my name’s john densmore. You might remember me from such rock bands as …”
Have you heard the new X album yet? It’s a good ‘un!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOVakrdlSjw
Also I’m gonna go neutral on the grilled cheese debate. If someone wants to go upscale (through some caramelized onion in there for example) then I ain’t mad.
Caramelized onions are my Heroin.
I did some math for everyone.
**NOTE** I am not in anyone criticizing the post,
I am applying some science,
data science of a sort,
a way of inferring the amount and quality of edibles based upon some analysis of the words at hand.
You see we do not know how much edibles were ingested, but we do have the post and the words, and so we can infer.
A side note, does the “quality” of reefer even matter anymore, didn’t it all become so good in like 2005 that measuring one against the other is sort of silly.
So maybe we are just trying to apply science to the words, to get to how much was ingested.
It looks like a LOT of edibles ingested, here are the numbers.
239 lines, 1938 words.
239 lines in doors post.
That is a lot of lines, many lines, his writing of many lines supports the other evidence that he ate a lot of edibles.
1938 words, ToTD wrote one thousand, nine hundred and thirty eight words about the doors.
By any measuring, that is an awful lot of words, he is not getting paid by the word, and actually based on this post, the donate button is lonely and un-pushed, although you could blame the economy for that.
I say it is not the economy, I say the one thousand, nine hundred thirty eight words points to the ingestion of way too many edibles.
You might say.. but wait other posts are long, and he does we suppose have a day job, so he can not be high all the time. But.. those other long posts are Little Aleppo posts, Little Aleppo is a friggin novel. This is not a friggin novel.
Evidence says, too many edibles, for both him and us.
— Science Reporter —
— Tor Haxson
Tor, your point about quality going so high now (pun intended) that it isn’t the same as before is only true to a certain point. Put another way, before Y2K, I sure as **** never smoked a bud that was about 25% THC or greater. And now you can smoke flower (not concentrates) that are much greater. So, hell yes, there’s a difference in quality that is relevant!
That written, I’m slightly uncomfortable with a flower that’s so full of sticky goodness. In the range of the high teens (again, pun intended) satisfies me quite well. In closing, thank you or reporting the science.
Fun Fact about the filming of the Doors movie. The concert scene was filmed during the weekend that Jerry, Bobby, Phil, Billy, Mickey and Brent were playing 2 shows at Cal State Dominguez in Carson (5/5/90 and 5/6/90). After the Saturday show, Uncle Bobo came on stage with some lackey introduced as a film industry something or other. We Deadheads were told that if we wanted to be in a movie we could go to such and such a collation and be extras. My crew and I were flying very high on little barrel shaped microdots so we headed over to the set. Spent the better part of the night there. We were promised craft services but my memory was they had 7 sandwiches and some warm 7-Up.
The next day in the parking lot of the shows I watched Uncle Bobo single handedly take down a nitrous tank from one of the very prevalent nitrous mafia present at Dead shows in that era. Then before the show began a very agitated Uncle Bobo came on stage and tore us all new poop shoots for one of us having run over a reportedly pregnant woman in the parking lot.
Other random memories from those shows: VERY HOT
Skinhead with an American Bull Terrier on a chain was extremely verbally abusive in a racist manner to an African American security guard keeping us all from running into the venue. Guard took it like a champ for 5 minutes, then 1 quick punch to the skin head’s hairless head and down he went. Dog stared at his skin head, looked around, and dragged him by his own chain to a cluster of hippie girls who loved on the dog and ignored the unconscious doochebag.