FELICIDAE IV, THRONEWORLD TO THE FELIS EMPIRE
“Jenkins! Get in here!”
“Yes, Space President?”
“Dammit, kid: fix your antenna.”
“Sorry.”
“The other one.”
“Gotcha.”
“The other one.
“Ah. Better?”
“You look like a Sallarian. Listen: what is this signal that Alien NASA picked up?”
“It’s so odd we call our space agency that, sir.”
“Answer the questions, Jenkins.”
“There are competing theories on the signal, sir. The mathematicians think it’s an equation that proves five plus two is seven.”
“Five plus two is seven, Jenkins.”
“Yes, but this proves it.”
“Have math executed.”
“Right away, sir.”
“You said there were other interpretations?”
“Yes, sir. The generals think it’s a threat.”
“The generals think lunch is a threat.”
“The cloners fed the data into the chromosonometer.”
“Monster?”
“Of course, sir.”
“Casualties?”
“Many, sir.”
“Well, have the cloners executed, too.”
“We’ve tried that, sir. They just make more of themselves.”
“Anyone else weighing in?
“The artists think it’s crap.”
“What do the people think?”
“The people think it’s art.”
“Great.”
“There was one interesting idea, sir. Someone ran the data through a soundifier–”
“Is that really the machine’s name?”
“–and, well: it appears to some sort of rock band.”
“Like Space Bon Jovi?”
“Sort of, sir.”
“Are they any good, Jenkins?”
“That’s subjective, sir. In fact, this might be some of the most subjective music I’ve ever heard.”
“Can you dance to it?”
“Kind of.”
“I’ll need a full report.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Jenkins?”
“Yes, sir?”
“I wasn’t joking: take math outside and shoot it in the head.”
“I didn’t think you were joking at all, sir.”
“Good man.”
Sometime in the 1970s, NASA sent some Chuck Berry music out beyond the solar system–really, I don’t make things up–so the Aliens should be ready for “Dark Star” now.
It does seem weird to think that Alien Civilizations may divide themselves into Mickey and Billy factions, devastating worlds in the process, but that’s how it goes.
Hmm. I always thought the aliens were much more into Space than Drums.
Heh, heh. “Some sort of rock band.”
We are gonna need a few more poles cause those aliens are gonna get naked and look for something to climb on.
…
Damn you, I spit up my iced tea.
Spencer, this is a masterpiece, truly.
Tor gets the credit for that one..I just slapped that thing on it.
Leibniz had it coming…..
So you’re another one of those Newtonians, eh? I know what it’s like — once you start heading that direction, it’s awfully hard to stop…
Hee hee
Seeing as Phil is actually from Felicidae IV, isn’t it presumable they’d already be familiar with the work of their favorite son?
I think Phil sent some Seastones tapes home. Alienated the aliens.
It’s a neat xmas gift to give to someone who has everything the voyager gold cd sent into space in the 70’s- guarantee the recipient doesn’t have it and it does indeed include Johnny b Goode by chuck berry.
http://voyager.jpl.nasa.gov/spacecraft/goldenrec.html
Listen here-
http://music.cbc.ca/#!/blogs/2015/10/Listen-to-the-golden-record-NASA-launched-into-space-in-1977
Download here
http://www.willardswormholes.com/archives/30544