Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes Of The World

You weren’t really a church in Medieval Europe unless you had some relics. What was the point in sending all those belligerent rich kids to Jerusalem if they weren’t going to yoink some merch? (For those of you keeping track: yes, that is the first time the Crusades have been referred to as a “merch yoink.”) Bigger the cathedral, the more important the souvenir, too: locks of His hair for county parishes, knuckle bones for the city venues. Pilgrims would come from miles away, and they didn’t mind a two-indulgence minimum, either.

Anything to be closer to Him, right?


I need someone who knew Garcia to explain this shit, because I cannot live in a world where Jerry Garcia was one of those psychos who don’t have a brand. Were the Merits (which were filtered) the “snack” cigarettes, and the Camels and Pall Malls (both unfiltered) the “meals?” Were the Merits the downstairs cocaine, and he handed ’em out to randos and bummers? Why the fuck would you have Camels AND Pall Malls? Why the fuck would you buy hard packs AND soft packs?

That is my question here: Why the fuck? To all of this, I say: Why the fuck?


They didn’t sell. Guess Shapiro was saving his money for Lot 49: “A Jerry Garcia wad of crumpled-up tin foil with brownish residue on it.”


  1. Tor Haxson

    The answer is right under your nose ToTD..

    Do the math…

    Garcia looked like Garcia, no matter what he could not hide his Garcia-ness. He was not buying his own smokes.

    Therefore, his “people” bought him his smokes..

    His “people” you know all about them.. They are bushleague in almost all that they do.

    Getting the right cigarettes.. they made a bushleague attempt. Remembered the brand… sometimes. Othertimes.. well you get it.

  2. Cube

    Lot 49, eh?

  3. wrayven

    As a former smoker with a 2 pack a day habit, I also smoked about a half dozen different brands. My favorites were Kool non-filtered. I also did blunts & pretty much all of the American Spirit brands by the end of my decades long habit. Being a Beefheart fanatic, nI started with Pall Mall non-filtered when I was 15(the days when kids were sent to the store to buy smokes for their parents-it was easy to become an underaged smoker in the late 70’s) I suppose Jerry started with Merit cigarettes after the diabetic coma. That was about the time when the burnt air masquerading as light cigarettes became the rage. Man all of this talk about smoking makes me want to get a pack. I won’t, but I miss smoking. The world was more civilized when more people smoked. Music & art in general were better when smoking was promoted. Really, has there been much good art since tobacco was taken out of public spaces? Overall health might have become better, but it was at a cost.

  4. Stellblu

    This is bull. NO WAY did Garcia ever leave a cigarette unsmoked, no matter the brand

  5. Luther Von Baconson

    “Uhhh, sure you’re argument has Merit, Weir. Smoke?”

  6. Dana Morgan

    Notwithstanding that fire-retardant Merits were only rolled out in 2000, that would have been a decent explanation for how Jerry ended up with a couple packs of Merits: some lawyers concerned about hotel room window dressing conflagration. This shitty bootleg tape shows “excerpts from interviews with Philip Morris representatives about PaperSelect, a new paper that they claim may make cigarettes less likely to ignite certain fabrics. Also b-roll of paper being manufactured and of a comparison test showing how cigarettes with “traditional” and new paper burn. Tape may be incomplete.”

    Ultimately it turned out that the fire-safe Merits ADDED fire hazard, and the company was sued for introducing the more dangerous product (and firing an engineer who id’d the risk). You try to do a good thing… but when you’re a tobacco giant, everyone’s a critic…

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