Billy looks like a character in a Randy Newman song.
Hey, Mrs. Donna Jean. Whatcha doing?”
“Ah’m wearin’ mah wizard robe, sugah.”
Happy New Year’s, ma’am.
“Bring mama her lime rickey.”
“Mama loves her a rickey.”
Hey, Bobby. Whatcha doing?
“Phil and Jer are telling jokes and leaving me out again.”
Ah, no. That sucks.
“And, you know: I know great jokes. There’s the one about the bees.”
We all know the one about the bees. Does anyone in your organization have any plan to get the balloons off the stage?
“Huh. I, uh play guitar and do some singing. A bit of songwriting is also expected of me. That’s my whole portfolio. I am not involved with the logistical side of it.”
“You should ask Precarious.”
Good idea. Precarious?
“No plan whatsoever.”
PRECARIOUS LEE EXITING THE SCENE NOISE
Oh, so that‘s what that sounds like.
“Not, uh, what you’re expecting. Different sound than you’d assume.”
Way different, yeah.
“It was my ringtone for a while.”
CELL PHONE NOISE
“I should take this; it might be Elvis Presley.”
That sentence is 100% true.
“HAIRY GARCIA, THIS IS ELVIS!”
“Oh, hey. Hold, please.
“Yeah, like I said: Elvis. Gimme a sec.”
Are you talking to me?
Why? That’s not how this bit goes.
“Right, but I didn’t want to be rude. Like, uh, Jer. And Phil. Mostly, I’m mad about Garcia ignoring me. Sometimes it’s nice when Phil ignores you, but it hurts when the Big Guy does it. And, uh, I didn’t wanna pass that rancorous sentiment down the line.”
How thoughtful of you. Thank you, Bobby.
“I’ll be back in two shakes of a wig’s tail.”
“Elvis? You still there?”
“AH AM HERE, AN’ SO IS GRITS!”
“AH HAVE ASSEMBLED A TEAM O’ KARATE-DOLPHINS. THIS ONE’S NAME IS GRITS.”
“Good name for a dolphin.”
“Team of what? Why?”
“TH’ KING WAS COMIN’ ON OUT TO BE YOUR HON’RABLE SECOND IN A KARATE FIGHT T’ THE DEATH WITH THAT HEWIS LEWIS FELLA. GONNA GET ALL UP ON THAT MAN THERE. AH’LL BE A SQUIRREL GETTIN’ A NUT.”
“Uh-huh. King, I gotta be honest with you: I do not pay attention to the bullshit around here in the slightest.”
“IT WUZ A STORYLINE.”
“I’m not doubting you, but I just care at the time, so I don’t remember now. Also, you know, the near-constant time travel has jumbled up all my memories. It’s like cut-up poetry up there.”
“NEVERTH’LESS, AH HAVE A PLAN TO HELP YOU REGAIN FACE. IN TH’ STREETS, WE CALL IT A GOOD NAME, BUT IN THE DOJO, IT IS CALLED FACE.”
“I’m familiar with the concept.”
“IN MAH HEART, AH AM ALWAYS IN MAH DOJO.”
“SPEAKIN’ O’ WHICH: TURNS OUT DOLPHINS AIN’T PORTABLE. LEAST NOT ON LAND, THEY AIN’T. AH WUZ THINKIN’ OF ‘EM IN TERMS O’ WATER HORSES. AH MAHT HAVE TO TURN MAH PLANE, TH’ LISA MARIE, INT’ A FLYIN’ AQUARIUM LAHK IN THAT STAR TREK WHERE SPOCK STUCK HIS PECKER INNA WHALE.”
“I think I saw that one.”
“HAIRY GARCIA, AH WILL NOW CONFIDE IN YEW: MOST O’ WHAT AH USE MAH TIME CAPE FOR IS SEEIN’ FUTURE MOVIES. BEEN T’ EV’RY BATMAN MOVIE THEY GONNA MAKE.”
“Some of ’em were all right. I didn’t like the guy who did the voice thing.”
“NAW, MAN. SOUNDED LIKE TH’ DING-DANG COOKIE MONSTER. AIN’T NO CRIMINAL SCARED O’ NO DING-DANG COOKIE MONSTER! SPENT THAT WHOLE DAMN MOVIE WANTIN’ T’ GIVE BATMAN A LAHZ’NGE! HAIRY GARCIA, WOULD YOU LIKE A LAHZ’NGE? AH C’N HAVE CHARLIE HODGE BRING YEW A LAHZ’NGE.”
“I’m all right.”
“CHARLIE HODGE GEN’RALLY BRINGS ME MAH SCARVES AN’ WATER, BUT HE COULD GET A LAHZ’NGE, TOO. WOULDN’T TAKE HIM BUT THREE OR FOUR TRIES. BOY’S DUMBER TH’N A DEAD CAMEL’S DICK. TOOK HIM A FULL YEAR T’ MASTER BRINGIN’ ME SCARVES, TH’N ANOTHER TWO T’ TEACH HIM WATER.”
“Y’know, you might want to have him tested by a specialist.”
“DOCTOR NICK HAS EXAMINED CHARLIE HODGE ON MANY OCCASIONS, SOMETIMES IN FRON’ OF ME AN’ THE BOYS.”
“GETTIN’ MAH GOOF ON.”
“Cool. Gimme a sec.”
“WE STILL NEED T’ DISCUSS TH’ DOLPHINS!”
Hey, Bobby. Whatcha and Elvis doing?
“Listen, man: you gotta make him a new friend. Let him bother Josh.”
Aw. come on. Elvis is great.
“He’s weird even for around here.”
He’s supposed to be: he’s Elvis.