Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: 1978 (Page 1 of 13)

How To Tell If A Photo Is Of A Grateful Dead Show

  • Is everything just so damnably raggedy-ass?
  • Unsupervised child wandering around?
  • Ugliest band member up front?
  • Level of skew that races past askew to achieve full antiskew?
  • A weird, sad work light hanging off the rigging right above center stage for some fucking reason?

If the answer to these questions is “yes,” then you’re most likely viewing a photo of a Grateful Dead show. Thank you for your attention.

Solved

Amazing how quickly we can accomplish miracles, Enthusiasts, if you define “miracle” as “recognizing a mass-produced object.” The guitar Bobby was playing in the last post was indeed an Ibanez, but not his custom Cowboy Fancy: it was was the MC400NT (NT meant¬† natural, as opposed to the DS’s dark stain), and if you want a 40-year-old, overly-complicated, ridiculously-heavy axe, you can pick one up for $1,300.

Thanks go to Valued Commentator Cube, who pointed us in the right direction but inadvertently brought up another question. Cube claims that Bobby played the MC400 only once, at 1978’s premier Red Rocks shows, but further snooping reveals that the guitar was also used on June 6th in Oregon.

Look:

Did you look? I’ll just assume you looked. I’m not gonna hector you about it. If you didn’t look, well: fuck you. Why are you even here if you’re not gonna look at what I tell you to look at? Sure, sometimes I tell you to look at turtle penis, but usually not. Even the most cursory glance at the above photo would have revealed that it isn’t turtle penis, so why not look?

Y’know what? Now you can look at turtle penis.

Why do you make me do that shit? You know I love you. You know I don’t want to hurt you. But you push the goddamned issue, don’t you? And now you’re looking at turtle penis. You deserved it, too.

Anyway, Bobby’s guitar or something.

This One’s In B

One must assume that Mickey only brought underwear and socks on tour, and each day wandered–bare-chested and half-cocked–by the merch table to yoink himself a fetching top.

OR

If Mrs. Donna Jean had balls, they’d fall out of those shorts. Balls are always looking for a way out; they’re like Papillon.

OR

What the hell is Bobby playing? It’s an Ibanez, but it’s not Cowboy Fancy. Anyone?

Casual Readers Should Quit After The Second One

Billy looks like a character in a Randy Newman song.

OR

Hey, Mrs. Donna Jean. Whatcha doing?”

“Ah’m wearin’ mah wizard robe, sugah.”

Happy New Year’s, ma’am.

“Bring mama her lime rickey.”

Yes, ma’am.

“Mama loves her a rickey.”

OR

Hey, Bobby. Whatcha doing?

“Phil and Jer are telling jokes and leaving me out again.”

Ah, no. That sucks.

“And, you know: I know great jokes. There’s the one about the bees.”

We all know the one about the bees. Does anyone in your organization have any plan to get the balloons off the stage?

“Huh. I, uh play guitar and do some singing. A bit of songwriting is also expected of me. That’s my whole portfolio. I am not involved with the logistical side of it.”

Sure.

“You should ask Precarious.”

Good idea. Precarious?

“Yo.”

Same question.

“No plan whatsoever.”

Thank you.

“Uh-huh.”

PRECARIOUS LEE EXITING THE SCENE NOISE

Oh, so that‘s what that sounds like.

“Not, uh, what you’re expecting. Different sound than you’d assume.”

Way different, yeah.

“It was my ringtone for a while.”

Nice choice.

CELL PHONE NOISE

“I should take this; it might be Elvis Presley.”

That sentence is 100% true.

“Weir here.”

“HAIRY GARCIA, THIS IS ELVIS!”

“Oh, hey. Hold, please.

“Yeah, like I said: Elvis. Gimme a sec.”

Are you talking to me?

“Yeah.”

Why? That’s not how this bit goes.

“Right, but I didn’t want to be rude. Like, uh, Jer. And Phil. Mostly, I’m mad about Garcia ignoring me. Sometimes it’s nice when Phil ignores you, but it hurts when the Big Guy does it. And, uh, I didn’t wanna pass that rancorous sentiment down the line.”

How thoughtful of you. Thank you, Bobby.

“I’ll be back in two shakes of a wig’s tail.”

Sure.

“Elvis? You still there?”

“AH AM HERE, AN’ SO IS GRITS!”

“Grits?”

“AH HAVE ASSEMBLED A TEAM O’ KARATE-DOLPHINS. THIS ONE’S NAME IS GRITS.”

“Good name for a dolphin.”

“KARATE-DOLPHIN!”

“Team of what? Why?”

“TH’ KING WAS COMIN’ ON OUT TO BE YOUR HON’RABLE SECOND IN A KARATE FIGHT T’ THE DEATH WITH THAT HEWIS LEWIS FELLA. GONNA GET ALL UP ON THAT MAN THERE. AH’LL BE A SQUIRREL GETTIN’ A NUT.”

“Uh-huh. King, I gotta be honest with you: I do not pay attention to the bullshit around here in the slightest.”

“IT WUZ A STORYLINE.”

“I’m not doubting you, but I just care at the time, so I don’t remember now. Also, you know, the near-constant time travel has jumbled up all my memories. It’s like cut-up poetry up there.”

“NEVERTH’LESS, AH HAVE A PLAN TO HELP YOU REGAIN FACE. IN TH’ STREETS, WE CALL IT A GOOD NAME, BUT IN THE DOJO, IT IS CALLED FACE.”

“I’m familiar with the concept.”

“IN MAH HEART, AH AM ALWAYS IN MAH DOJO.”

“Ah.”

“SPEAKIN’ O’ WHICH: TURNS OUT DOLPHINS AIN’T PORTABLE. LEAST NOT ON LAND, THEY AIN’T. AH WUZ THINKIN’ OF ‘EM IN TERMS O’ WATER HORSES. AH MAHT HAVE TO TURN MAH PLANE, TH’ LISA MARIE, INT’ A FLYIN’ AQUARIUM LAHK IN THAT STAR TREK WHERE SPOCK STUCK HIS PECKER INNA WHALE.”

“I think I saw that one.”

“HAIRY GARCIA, AH WILL NOW CONFIDE IN YEW: MOST O’ WHAT AH USE MAH TIME CAPE FOR IS SEEIN’ FUTURE MOVIES. BEEN T’ EV’RY BATMAN MOVIE THEY GONNA MAKE.”

“Some of ’em were all right. I didn’t like the guy who did the voice thing.”

“NAW,¬† MAN. SOUNDED LIKE TH’ DING-DANG COOKIE MONSTER. AIN’T NO CRIMINAL SCARED O’ NO DING-DANG COOKIE MONSTER! SPENT THAT WHOLE DAMN MOVIE WANTIN’ T’ GIVE BATMAN A LAHZ’NGE! HAIRY GARCIA, WOULD YOU LIKE A LAHZ’NGE? AH C’N HAVE CHARLIE HODGE BRING YEW A LAHZ’NGE.”

“I’m all right.”

“CHARLIE HODGE GEN’RALLY BRINGS ME MAH SCARVES AN’ WATER, BUT HE COULD GET A LAHZ’NGE, TOO. WOULDN’T TAKE HIM BUT THREE OR FOUR TRIES. BOY’S DUMBER TH’N A DEAD CAMEL’S DICK. TOOK HIM A FULL YEAR T’ MASTER BRINGIN’ ME SCARVES, TH’N ANOTHER TWO T’ TEACH HIM WATER.”

“Y’know, you might want to have him tested by a specialist.”

“DOCTOR NICK HAS EXAMINED CHARLIE HODGE ON MANY OCCASIONS, SOMETIMES IN FRON’ OF ME AN’ THE BOYS.”

“Okay. Why?

“GETTIN’ MAH GOOF ON.”

“Cool. Gimme a sec.”

“WE STILL NEED T’ DISCUSS TH’ DOLPHINS!”

“Yuh-huh.”

“Ahem.”

Hey, Bobby. Whatcha and Elvis doing?

“Listen, man: you gotta make him a new friend. Let him bother Josh.”

Aw. come on. Elvis is great.

“He’s weird even for around here.”

He’s supposed to be: he’s Elvis.

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