When the last pterodactyl had been felled, and the blood cleaned up, people began to ask questions; first among them was “Why was the Grateful Dead allowed to have dinosaurs?” In the Dead’s defense, no one had told them they couldn’t.

Mickey had bought a piece of hash the size of a well-fed child, and discovered an ancient mosquito within its crumbly innards. He brought the mosquito (and a sizable chunk of the hash) to Front Street for a more scientific investigation; Phil, luckily, was already wearing a lab coat. Unluckily, he was wearing nothing else, but he wouldn’t let Mickey use the microscope or any of the other doohickeys without being included.

They began by thin-slicing the mosquito, then carefully affixing it to slides. Stains were added to some, and others were treated with various chemicals. Phil made notes for five minutes and then started drawing mean cartoons of Mickey with a drum kit up his ass. After the slides had all been prepared, they examined each specimen.

“You know what you’re looking at?”

“They’re pretty.”

So they asked the Wall of Sound to figure it out and went out for tacos.


“Jerassic Park?”

“Well, yeah. See: your name’s ‘Jerry.’ So it’s like–”

“It wasn’t that I didn’t get it, Weir.”

“–combining that with…okay, yeah, sure. It’s a great name. Irving Azoff thought it up.”

“I managed to avoid that guy my whole life, and you do this to me? Nice work, pal. The shame, the shame.”

“It’s a good name, Jer. Lends itself to merch. The shirt where you have tiny little T-Rex arms and you can’t reach your guitar and you look so sad? Big seller.”

“Right, man.”

“Phil’s head on a brontosaurus.”

“Yeah, I liked that. Yoinked one.”

“My favorite’s where they replaced the turtles on the porch with ankylosaurs.”

“That porch wouldn’t be around much longer.”

“Lotta collateral damage involved with having an ankylosaur dance your porch, yeah. Phil had one on his bocce courts. No good for anyone.”

“Billy punched a dinosaur in the dick yet?”

“Like, the second the first one was made.”

“He’s a go-getter.”